From HBR:
For most of us, feedback is hard to receive because when self-worth is tied to performance outcomes, it feels like a direct threat to our identity, as opposed to rich information about how to get better. Our identity is often narrowly tied to how we perform in a given domain.
To protect ourselves, we often instinctively dismiss or minimize this feedback, but in doing so, we miss valuable insights that could help us grow and improve. Instead of focusing on progress and actively pursuing our goals, we become preoccupied with avoiding failure, which ultimately hinders our ability to achieve the success we desire.
Lost in the defensive response is the recognition that the feedback is really about the behavior, not the person.
I’ve had the privilege of working with teams across the past four Olympic Games, most recently in Paris with beach volleyball silver medalists Brandie Wilkerson and Melissa Humana-Paredes, and identified several feedback strategies that translate from the Olympic arena to the business world.
The foundation of an Olympian feedback strategy is to make a commitment to getting better each day. Let improvement be your North Star, guiding every action and decision.
Olympians recognize the benefit of having a team who can see their blind spots, hold them accountable, construct their practices and habits, and focus their efforts. To build a team that can provide clear, honest, and kind feedback about how you can get better, identify that small handful of people whose counsel you trust. They could be family members, friends, colleagues, mentors, or experts. Keep the list small. Make sure that each person is committed to supporting and protecting you.
Ask yourself: Who has your back? Who really gets you, not just the refined and packaged you, but the straining, striving, and vulnerable version of you that’s trying to figure out life as you go? Who has fidelity to the truth? Who can you count on to be honest with you? Who has lived a life that you respect?
Opinion and feedback may appear similar, but opinions primarily reflect the thoughts and perspectives of the giver, while feedback is designed to benefit and guide the receiver.
Opinions reflect individual viewpoints, shared to convey personal thoughts or feelings, and they’re are often unsolicited. In contrast, feedback is specific, based on close observation, actionable, and given to promote growth, typically in response to a request.
When I worked with the Seattle Seahawks, we used to operate under the maxim that “we know” the truth about what’s happening on our team. The outside world — the media and the fans — would throw things out there, and some may have hit a nerve every once in a while, but they were sharing opinions, not actionable feedback. Olympians are no different. They tune in to the feedback of those who know them — and the rest becomes noise.
Beyond your trusted circle, you are your own next best feedback loop. You are a better tuning fork than most people around you because only you know whether your thoughts, emotions, and physiology are working in harmony or dissonance. This awareness allows you to detect subtle shifts in your mental and physical state, providing immediate and accurate feedback on what is and isn’t working.
Emotions can distract and obscure the lessons embedded in your challenges and setbacks. To unlock the valuable information within your experiences, like Olympians you can learn to manage your emotions effectively.
Pay attention to what triggers your feelings and how they affect your thoughts and actions. When you encounter strong emotions, take a moment to pause and reflect. Instead of reacting impulsively, consider what the emotion is signaling and how it relates to the situation at hand. Shift your focus from the emotional turmoil (the noise) to the insights within the experience (the signal). Ask yourself what went wrong, what could be improved, and what insights can be learned.
Olympians meticulously incorporate suggestions into their training regimens and strive to make tangible changes, setting a high standard for how to effectively use feedback. This commitment to action is what often distinguishes elite performers from others.
Most people might acknowledge feedback, recognizing its value and even expressing intentions to change. However, they often fall short in the consistent implementation of that feedback. This gap between intention and action can stem from various factors, including a lack of a clear plan, insufficient motivation, or the discomfort of changing established habits.
To bridge this gap, develop a systematic approach to incorporating feedback. Outline specific steps to integrate the feedback into your routine. Keep a record of your efforts and improvements. Regularly review your progress to see how well you are incorporating the feedback. Make it a regular part of your routine, rather than a one-time effort. If something isn’t working as expected, be willing to adjust your approach.
With an Olympian feedback strategy in place, you don’t have to evaluate each piece of feedback that floods in. Recognizing the difference between critique aimed to tear you down and guidance meant to build you up consumes a lot of internal resources.
So, as we navigate through our lives, let’s apply this Olympian mindset. Let’s be selective about the feedback we internalize and use it as a tool for personal and professional development. Let’s remember to separate what we do from who we are, ensuring that while we strive for excellence in our daily lives, we remain grounded in our inherent worth. This approach doesn’t just prepare us for the next competition or professional milestone; it equips us for the intricate, beautiful challenge of living.